Urinating without pay

(A WHATSAPP MESSAGE I LIKE)

 A man reached 70 years of age and was affected by a disease which made him unable to urinate.

The doctors told him that he needs an operation to cure the disease.

He agreed to do the operation as the problem was giving him severe pain for days.

When the operation was completed the doctor gave him a bill which covered all the costs.

After looking at the bill, the man started crying. Upon seeing this, the doctor said "If the cost is too high then we could make some other arrangements for you.

"The old man replied, "I am not crying because of the money but I am crying because God let me urinate for 70 years and He never sent me a bill!"

A historical garage of lesson

This was wealth.

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CLIMATE TALKS IN PARIS: Mother Nature has given up on us

The United Nations Framework Convention on Climate Change, UNFCCC, now has a document from the Paris Climate Change Convention.
Let’s hope the industrial world will hearken.
SMOG IN BEIJING 
Meanwhile, Mother Nature has a way of mocking us: to get to the pre-Paris talks held in Bonn from 19 to 23 October, delegates fouled the climate with emissions the equivalent of that from a small city.
Looking at the crowd at the Paris Convention, the quantity of ecosystem-crippling gasses released into the atmosphere is enough for them to discuss throughout the jamboree.
Mother Nature has given up on us.

The faithful and hopeful bike

The story says a boy chained his bike to a tree and left for World War 1 (1914-1918). He didn't return.

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Mama Africa

Native Congo Free State laborers who failed to meet rubber collection quotas were often punished by having their hands cut off.
WIKIPEDIA

Mozilla kicks off annual fundraiser on Firefox's home page

Mozilla Foundation has kicked off its annual fund-raising drive by placing the pitch on the home page of Mozilla Corp.'s Firefox browser.

The non-profit runs a drive each December -- this is the fifth straight year -- to finance its education, research and public awareness campaigns and projects. The money raised does not go toward expenses incurred to develop and maintain the Firefox browser or Firefox OS. Mozilla relies on contracts from a variety of search providers, including Yahoo and China's Baidu, to fund Firefox.

MOZILLA FOUNDATION

Being a Nigerian

I had hired a Keke Marwa, taken two Okada; in search of fuel for my 10-litre jerry can. With the sun at its peak. No electricity, but high bill and sleep for my people is hellish without ventilation.

So there was no particular reason to be patriotic.

But there it was...

There was lump in my throat, a swelling in my chest and it was all I could do not to stand at attention and salute (bloody civilian) as it went slowly, but majestically, by:

An Army convoy: wicked-looking vehicles, apocalypse-like guns mounted (Gatlin, I think) and soldiers standing straight as a rod.

It soon went out of sight and, sweating under the raging sun, I continued my hunt. Total that was rescuing us from shysters suddenly decided not to sell to any one carrying jerry cans in a bid to curb supply to black marketers. So my tour ended up with, yes, same black marketers: N200 a litre.

And those soldiers? I don't know o. But I am certain that the Chibok girls are not anywhere near my house and Sambisa Forest is up North!

Of the Holy Spirit, killing and dying by fire

A picture of praying Christians (online)

I always have a sinking feeling when a prayer leader or cleric says pray for Holy Ghost fire to consume so and so problem or person or enemy. The feeling is from a dilemma as to what is right and what is proper or what is Biblical.

The little (it is an extensive little, by the way) I have read of the Bible does not say AT ANY POINT that Holy Ghost fire consumes. Neither are there instances of fire coming from the Holy Ghost burning up any body.

The first encounter with the Holy Spirit is in Acts of the Apostles: at the birth of the Church in Acts 2. Jesus had told his followers to wait for the Comforter, Teacher, Memory helper, etc, (John 14: 26 and in other parts of the scriptures). These are just a few of the many reference to the Holy Spirit in the Bible. But at NO SINGLE REFERENCE was mention made of His predilection for consuming people.

Olamide prays for late father

“O God, who hast commanded us to honor our father and our mother; in Thy mercy have pity on the soul of my father, and forgive his trespasses; and make me to see him again in the joy of everlasting brightness. Through Christ our Lord. Amen. Rest well Dad.. Forever in my heart.”

Marriage Wisdom Nuggets: Being a husband

(My younger sister Whatsapped me this and I think it is worth sharing)

1    Husband is not just a title. Husband is not just the ability to make a wife pregnant. Husband means great responsibility. Husband means houseband; the band that binds the house together. A godly husband is a Priest, a Provider and a Protector. As a Priest a husbands subjects himself to Christ and opens the Word and leads his family to Christ through daily family worship at the family altar.

As a Provider the husband works hard to ensures that the family is well fed, nourished and decently dressed. As a Protector the husband shelters his family from physical harm, emotional and
spiritual attacks. A godly husband; the man of the house; will stand up for his marriage and defend his wife and children and fight for his family’s salvation.


2      Many marriages suffer because spouses are holding on to past mistakes, past failures, past disappointments, past heartbreaks, past rejections & past relationships. You cannot revisit the past & undo the hurtful wrong that happened. You can not unwind the hands of time. You cannot erase the scars. But you can choose to forgive, trust God & move on. No marriage can ever see a better
future without letting go of the past.

I Have Political Will To Tackle Traffic Gridlock – Ambode

…Charges Stakeholders On Effective Traffic Strategies

…Lagos Accounts For 70% Of Nigeria’s Transportation Network, Says FRSC Boss

(If only our leaders know we hear too may words all day, all week all year, maybe they will just act and stop talking. Ambo should know Lagosians, indigenes and settlers alike, are waiting for him to de.)

 

 Lagos State Governor, Mr. Akinwunmi Ambode on Thursday assured the people of the State of his strong political will to take tough decisions and implement effective strategies to bring about a robust traffic management system in the State.

Governor Ambode, who stated this at the Traffic Management and Transportation Summit organised by the State Government, said as a government, his administration is keenly committed to make Lagos work for all, and that effective traffic management, for him, is a good place to start.

The Governor observed that with the realities on ground, there is the need for practical and innovative solutions to address the traffic challenges confronting the State to deliver immediate dividends and future aspirations.

He said: “Lagos, in many ways, is a victim of its own success as many people leave other states and travel to Lagos seeking better opportunities. More Nigerians want to reside in Lagos and this obviously comes with some challenges.”

akinwunmiambode.com 

The Diezani Alison-Madueke phenomenon

(I READ THIS AND MY CONSIDERABLY BIG HEAD WENT INTO A SPIN. NOT FOR THE AMOUNT OF MONEY INVOLVED, BUT THE TWISTS, TURNS AND CONVOLUTIONS. IF SOMEBODY FABRICATED THIS, THE PERSON SHOULD GO INTO FICTION WRITING. IF IT ACTUALLY HAPPENED, TOO BAD. HOWEVER, IT MUST NOT BE FORGOTTEN THAT THIS FAMILY HAVE ALWAYS HAD MONEY.

THIS REPORT IS REPRODUCED HERE VERBATIM FROM naijaonpoint.)

Investigation by Sahara Reporters has revealed the ways in which former Petroleum Minister, Diezani Alison-Madueke and her network of accomplices, family members, and oil industry big boys sought to conceal and launder an astonishing amount of her corruptly acquired wealth. The laundered funds are the focus of twin investigations by British and Nigerian anti-corruption agencies.
There is now a detailed intelligence documents and briefing on financial information regarding Diezani’s extensive acts of corruption and money laundering. Details below:

Korede Bello matriculates

Congratulations to the #Godwin crooner, Marvins' Korede Bello.
He did his matriculation for a Higher National Diploma (HND) at Nigeria Institute of Journalism (NIJ) on Thursday, November 19, 2015.
It is so good to know that fame and wealth have not taken the quest for knowledge from him, although he arrived late and was not allowed into the hall. Twas all still fun as he took photographs with fellow students and fans. 
The institute's authorities and students must be proud of him too, as his songs were on replay mode.
Fine boy, at least you won't have to slight your alma mater again by claiming UNILAG.  

These bear messages too powerful to be ignored

 

As I read the stories of terrorists attacks in Paris, these two from Dailymail are poignant.

The one has peace taking flight; the other tries to bring it back.
Dailymail

Jigawa commissioner’s husband arrested over fake currency fraud; bailed

The police in Jigawa State have apprehended the husband of one of the commissioners (name withheld) in the state.
The suspect was arrested by officers from Hadejia Divisional Police Headquarters, having been accused of defrauding many people with fake foreign currency.
Items recovered in his possession included N79,000 and somefake denominations of US dollars and Euros.He was released with the intervention of his wife, but that his vehicle was still in police custody.

Behold President Muhammadu Buhari's NOISEMAKERS

The don himself speaks our mind, as the ministers take their seats. Nigerians must continue to hope:

People’s expectations are very high and expectedly so. Their hope is hinged on the change our party promised. You are now the foot soldiers of that change

—TINUBU

vanguardngr.com

He can’t function without porn!

We’ve been married for over four years now and have two sons. Our sex life was good until recently when my husband, who is in his mid 30s, started experiencing erectile failure.

He has since resorted to watching blue films whenever we want to make love. This easily excites him and he keeps the film on during sex. I find this very disgusting.

SEX: What young wives can learn from older women

Four good reasons why some men prefer maturity over youth.

Older women know what they are doing: They have clocked up more lovers so have more experience. Young girls might have breasts that point to heaven, but older women will keep him on cloud nine through sheer sexual knowledge.

WS: A sojourner among liars

A book review by Reuben Abati

Professor Wole Soyinka was quoted saying his latest book is the “nastiest” that he has written so far. InterInventions: Between Defective Memory and the Public Lie- A Personal Odyssey in The Republic of Liars (Ibadan: Bookcraft, 2015, 136pp) is quite close to being just that. But who knows if an even nastier book may follow as Soyinka embarks on the task of exposing lies in our Republic as he has promised that InterInventions, a follow up to Interventions series (I-IV) will be dedicated solely to the dismantling of lies in the public space: malicious and non-malicious lies, lies told, lies magnified, lies fraudulent, murderous lies, accidental lies, uttered from depraved minds whose sole intention is to create burdens for their victims, malign, impugn and lower the other so they can be raised or their stomachs can be nourished at other’s expense. 

This is nevertheless, a publication in which Professor Soyinka settles strictly personal scores, but this is no pamphleteering that he modestly alludes to, but a fine, extended essay in the distinguished tradition of that form. He is polemical, punchy and critical - without mercy or measure! There is no deceit, no pulling of punches, not much of deliberate concealment; it is Soyinka wielding a Bazooka in one hand, and a gilt-edged knife in the other, shooting down the hypocrisy and pretensions of representative figures in a Republic of Liars, where defective memory, an affliction worse than amnesia, but much closer to dementia, and psychosis, is standard fare. He deploys language dramatically and draws blood even if his mood remains charismatic and entertaining as he laughs at human folly, and the verminous antics of his named and shamed traducers.

Day-old baby abandoned in church premises

Residents of Gowon Estate, Egbeda, Lagos, woke up on Sunday morning to the cry of an abandoned day-old baby, abandoned beside Apostolic Church, around Water Bus Stop.
An eyewitness, Ibukun Olatomi, said: “On Sunday morning, we found a healthy baby wrapped in a white shawl.
“The baby’s medication was also kept beside her. It was one of the residents in the area that initially raised alarm after she discovered the baby.
“A lot of people gathered to take a glance at the little baby. Later, the baby was taken to Gowon Estate Police Station.”
Confirming the report, Lagos State Police Public Relations Officer, DSP Joe Offor, said members of the Apostolic Church gave the baby first aid treatment in their church clinic before the baby was transferred to Alakara Julienne Centre, where police have adequate facilities to take care of the baby.

Coffin maker dumps 14-yr-old son in well for casting evil spell on business

A middle-aged man, identified as Papa Ogada, has dumped his 14-year-old son in a well, accusing him of being behind his inability to make progress in life.
Ogada, a coffin maker, who hails from Oberete village in Obingwa Local Government Area of Abia State, had been complaining that his son was a wizard, who had caused him serial misfortunes since reuniting with him, after leaving his mother’s place.
A source said: “The truth is that the man has been separated from the boy’s mother. Since the boy came back from his mother’s place where he lived, the man has been accusing him of being a wizard.
“He once told us that he had consulted many spiritualists, who told him that his son is a wizard and is behind the problems he has had in his business.
“We are not surprised that he went this far.”
Check details in vanguardngr.com 

‘I haven't heard from my husband since he got a job in Owerri 10 years ago’

A 39-year-old  woman, Bose Ayinde, has asked an Igando Customary Court in Lagos to dissolve her 18-year-old marriage with her husband, Nureni, accusing him of abandoning her and children for 10 years, after getting a job in Owerri.
Bose told the court that all efforts to reach her husband proved abortive and that she had been the one paying the house rent and children school fees since his disappearance.
The petitioner said since her husband stopped communicating with her 10 years ago, he neither called to ask for the children’s well-being nor visited.

Murder of school prefect in Lagos: Police arrest suspect, six others

Saka Hammed, the 19-year-old student of Gaskia College, Amukoko, Lagos, who allegedly stabbed a prefect, Saheed Jimoh, to death on Wednesday for punishing him over lateness, has been arrested by the police.
He was said to have been arrested by policemen attached to Amukoko Division, in his hideout somewhere around the vicinity, at about 6.40p.m., yesterday.
Also arrested earlier were six students of the college.
Before his arrest, the suspect’s father was invited by the Police for questioning. At 2p.m., yesterday he was still being interrogated by the police.
At Gaskia College yesterday, normal school activities had resumed as students were seen in their respective classes receiving lectures. Officials from the office of Educational Quality Assurance, Zone 14, were also sighted in the school, compiling reports of the incident.

Cultism, charms popular in the school
However, a student, who spoke on condition of anonymity, said: “There are several cult factions in the school. It is an open secret that many students are involved in cult-related activities and the use of charms.

Remembering ‘Ibadan,’ an archetypal poem from the most lyrical era in Nigerian poetry

Ibadan,

running splash of rust

and gold-flung and scattered

among seven hills like broken

china in the sun.

J.P. Clark

Of bloggers and Wizkid's intelligence

When you embrace technology, it is like taking a public office— your privacy, or what remains of it, takes a battering. In any case, voyeurism is one of the indices of post-modern times.

Whatever contemporary realities have thrown at us does not excuse going to town with unconfirmed reports or half-truths.

Bloggers have become content aggregators and, at times, without acknowledging copyright owners. So, if only Linda Ikeji had tapped into the endless depth of Wizkid's knowledge, the prodigy would not have laid into the blogger with such venom. After all, only a wizkid can make billions singing songs that have no lyrical syntax or psychological depth.

Nero fiddles, Rome burns...

Queues return as fuel scarcity (real or imagined) returns

Nero fiddled away, while Rome was burning. The Jews took the fall.

Those Nigerians who can't find fuel to buy are the Jews in today's Nigeria. Rumours of fuel price slash prosper; importers won't import, marketers won't lift. Fuel stations hoard as black marketers literally and figuratively set the country on fire. Nero fiddles away. Everyone walks on ice-tin ground.

Somehow, power has dropped and insecurity is taking a new dimension. Some people even blame it all on former President, Dr. Goodluck Jonathan.

Many more shades of ‘CHANGE’ loom and every Nigerian you talk to seems to know what is happening, but concludes with a helpless look. Throw in the prospect of having ministers without portfolio! Rome burns.

Pictures of a Baale's palace in Ajegunle on fire, from a black market dealer's hoard. 

How case file on Dele Giwa's murder disappeared—TSAV

As controversy over the investigations into the 1986 murder of renowned journalist, Dele Giwa, rages, one of the police officers who investigated the crime, Alhaji Abubakar Tsav, has disclosed that the case file on the crime disappeared into thin air in the course of probe.
Dele Giwa, a founding Editor of Newswatch magazine, was killed in his Lagos residence by a parcel bomb on October 19, 1986.
Tsav said that the murder case was initially handled by a former Police Commissioner, now late, adding that it was, thereafter, transferred to him as the officer in charge of general investigations at the Force Criminal Investigation Department, CID, Lagos.

So blacks can invent?

Book review by Andrew Ose Phiri

Black Inventors, Crafting Over 200 Years of Success is a ground-breaking book that  highlights the inventions by people of African descent globally. Written by Keith C. Holmes, an American who painstakingly spent over twenty years researching and gathering information on thousands of inventions by Black people from the years 1769 to 2007, the book is an inspiring must read for Africans at home and in the Diaspora if only to engender self confidence in African peoples necessary to reclaim the 21st century, especially in the crucial areas of science and technology.

If there is any book one can positively judge from the cover, Black Inventors is one of them. On the cover are pictures of George Washington Carver and Marjorie Stewart Joyner with a globe signifying not only the global presence of African peoples but the contributions responsible for world progress in technology. Carver, though born in slavery, is one of the world’s prolific inventors and became the first and greatest agricultural chemist who single handedly saved Southern USA from environmental waste by developing hundreds of products from peanuts, sweet potatoes and other plants. He was the first to introduce the practice of crop rotation and planting of legumes to enrich soils and his expertise was sought by many governments including even the Soviet Union under Stalin.

My latest book is the nastiest—WOLE SOYINKA

Professor Wole Soyinka has said of his 130-page new book, InterInventions— Between Defective Memory and Public Lie, A Personal Odyssey in The Republic of Liars: “It is the nastiest book I have ever written. It is so truthful that it hurts… it is my vengeance against public lies. It is not one of the butterfly books. No, it is not a butterfly book.
“I want to draw blood (with it). I’m warning all of you, if you feel vengeful, read this book and you will be alright. It is like homeopathic medicine.”
Our WS spoke at the formal inauguration of The Wole Soyinka Foundation, a retreat haven for writers.
The work was presented to the public at the June 12 Cultural Centre, Kuto, Abeokuta, by Governor Adams Oshiohmole of Edo State.
In page seven of the book, he decries “lies of staggering impudence, especially considering the fact that, in most cases, both victims and their traducers are still living.”
According to him, there is the need for a “ritual of public purgation where both sides— such victims of lies and the traducers— are brought together before the public tribunal for the world to know the truth.”
Soyinka also gave insight into alleged lies against him by some individuals and past leaders, including former Governor of Ogun State, Otunba Gbenga Daniel. He states in the first paragraph of Page 82: “It was a great fun (for him, Soyinka) to watch him (Daniel) lie his head off.”

Want a copy?

Reach Aloko Adewale Peter of Sunshine Books
08028708577 (whatsapp), 08176750781 (sms only)
BBM: 2BCC7B5D, info@sunshinebookseller.com

  

Who pirated October 1?

When some one dedicates himself to making quality films in today's Nollywood, there has to be concern as to how that person stays afloat. Kunle Afolayan prefers plaques on his walls to money in the bank. He might not be broke, but he must be in debt. He values name more than wealth, at least for now. He desires to tell a story rather than exploit the people. His only gain, for now, must be catharsis: there must be a certain inner glow that beats any orgasm millions of Nairas (no, make that Dollars) account balance must gives rabidly money-minded Nigerians. But it is what we have become: selfish, individualistic, neo-colonial apologists— a being no longer recognisable, bearing little or no resemblance to the men that made October 1, 1960, a reality.

But that is what happens when an otherwise good venture is hijacked by a people dedicated to feeding fat on ignorance and vulnerability. So, when Prince Aderopo eagerly goes for the white man's education, the freedom knowledge gives is tainted by the sexual exploitation a Reverend Father subjects him to. If he must become human again, he must be cleansed. So, just as his forefathers would have done, a girl must die for each of the number of years he was abused; in a land where all young girls must remain virgin till wedding night, they must die at the point of deflowering for a befitting cleansing.

20-year-old sells 2-week-old baby for 20k

MARIA Ekanem, a  20-year-old school drop out from Odukpani Local Government Area of Cross River State, said yesterday in Calabar that poverty and lack of where to stay after she gave birth made her sell her two weeks old baby girl for N20,000.
Maria, who was arrested by the police along five other accomplices, said her boyfriend who got her pregnant, asked her to abort the baby but said a doctor helped her  with free antenatal care and food until she gave birth.
This, she added, prompted her to agree to sell the baby when arrangements were made to sell.
Paraded along with Maria were a 55-year-old medical doctor, Okokon Offiong Okoho, the proprietor of Evangel Clinic,of 2, Atu Street; a 70-year-old matron of Sadatoe Maternity located at Umoh Street and a nurse at the maternity who allegedly made the plans to sell the girl to an Abuja-based lady who is now on the run.

Okowa’s victory an act of God — OSANEBI

The Deputy Speaker of Delta State House of Assembly, Hon Friday Osanebi, has said that the victory of Governor Ifeanyi Okowa at the election petition tribunal further re-established that the April polls’ victory was an act of God.

He said: “I am not surprised by the outcome of the election petition tribunal judgment because Governor Okowa has both support from God and the people of Delta state. This ruling has further deepened our democracy and proven that our judicial system can be relied upon.” Vanguard

Enugu sex hawker dies after marathon with customers

THE  Enugu State Police command through operatives of the Udenu Division has commenced investigations into an alleged incident of murder in which a commercial sex worker was allegedly killed in a brothel after a marathon sex with customers.
It was gathered that around midnight on October 24, the customer, identified as Ikechukwu Oga had gone to a brothel at Obolloafor, in Udenu Local Government Area of Enugu State where he met with the sex hawker, Roseline and had a sex deal.
Police Public Relations Officer, PPRO, Mr. Ebere Amaraizu, DSP, confirmed the incident in a statement made available to newsmen, explaining that the suspect after a bargain with the deceased, agreed to sleep together for a fee.

800,000 commit suicide from depression annually—DON; 12% of 400m world sufferers ‘re Nigerians

A professor of psychiatry, Joseph Adeyemi, has said that no fewer than 800,000 people commit suicide yearly due to depression, yet policies on mental challenges remain archaic.
Professor Adeyemi, who spoke in Lagos at the presentation of the book Shadows in the Mirror: the Many Faces of Depression, written by Dr. Vivian Ikem, said the Mental Health Act, enacted in the 1900s, was last reviewed in 1959 despite medical improvements made over the years. 

My man's ex needs to be called to order

My partner’s ex-wife treats him appallingly. They have a son together whom he  loves very much. As a result, he has to maintain contact but every time he sees her to  collect his son, he comes back really angry and this upsets me. She’s verbally abusive,  threatens and belittles him and his self-confidenced is shattered. 
I tell him he has to be more assertive with her and suggest ways of handling her  but he’s too scared to do it. I’m seriously considering calling her to try to talk some  sense into her. She doesn’t frighten me and I’m sick of putting up with her bad behaviour.

Her views on marriage are absurd

I’m one of a group of friends who’ve been together for years and we meet often  socially.
A woman in the group is currently going through a bad patch in her marriage  due to her husband’s verbal abuse.
Another friend, who’s always been outspoken is  showing her true colours once again. When our friend told us her husband undermines  her often in the presence of the kids and once threw a plate of food at her in anger, this  friend said the husband’s behaviour could not be sorted out with counselling and the worst thing our friend could do is leave and become a single parent. 

JP Clark and Wole Soyinka!

These baaaaaad boys met at the commendation service for late Deacon Gamaliel Onosode at Ikoyi Baptist Church, Lagos.

The good Lord knows how many knocks and flogging (secondary school) and sleepless nights (tertiary level) these grey hairs gave me! I still grapple with some of their works.

However, ‘Abiku,’ whichever version, is now good mainly for its poetics and as a reflection on the ignorance that characterised our forefathers' existence, the subject matter haven been ‘neutralised’ by the knowledge of sickle cell anaemia.  

Pope Francis tasks Nigerian churches on campaign against poverty, environmental degradation

The Catholic Pontiff, Pope Francis I, has urged Nigerian churches to lead in the campaign against poverty and environmental degradation in order to ensure economic growth and sustainable development.
The Pontiff noted that environmental degradation and poverty were closely related and inseparable, hence the need for an aggressive campaign against the menace.

I need answers

Why would anyone design shirts without breast pockets?

Is David Mark still in the Senate?

Why are they crying over the migrants’ crisis and rebels after "arranging" Gaddafi, crippling Greece? Then again, is it not one country (EU)? lol.

Why Military? Why now?  Why a Ransome-Kuti?

When will LASU find a ‘perfect’ VC?

Has Governor Oshiomhole forgotten his promise concerning Insurance of Benin FC (the Naija Gunners)?

Is Governor Ambode aware that his workers excavate but do not evacuate the earth because they are waiting for buyers? (So motorists spend hours squeezing through one lane along Cele-Okota-Ikotun Road)

Fake Coke from the East

Industrious wise men from the East getting the millions rolling in.
Ran into this on a dependable source's Facebook wall.
I hope Nigerians guzzle what they know and the relevant authorities are on this.