What I heard

That President Goodluck Jonathan has said in several fora that his men do not tell him facts(meanng he is just waking up?)

That ghosts are to blame for the Escravos-Lagos gas pipeline rupture(so no arrest can be made)

That now a clear distinction is being made between federal and state roads(so PDP campaign materials can only be found on federal roads, while APC sticks to state ones)

That no matter how good you cure a mad man, he still soliloquises at intervals.

That a mother knows her children even in the dark.

Jonathan in Baga

Nigeria's President Goodluck Jonathan on Thursday visited the scene of what is feared to be Boko Haram's worst massacre and vowed that the insurgency would soon be over.

Jonathan's visit to Baga, where hundreds of people, if not more, are feared to have been killed, came after his main election opponent, Muhammadu Buhari, accused him of a lack of leadership in the crisis, reports AFP.

The head of state, accompanied by military top brass and his national security advisor, told reporters in the Borno state capital Maiduguri after the trip that he wanted to see the devastation first hand.

"I went... to visit communities devastated by the excesses of Boko Haram," he said. "I just went to see things for myself."

Jonathan and his administration have been widely criticised for failing to stop the violence, which has seen Boko Haram seize territory in the northeast and attack neighbouring countries.

Presidential elections scheduled for February 14 were delayed for six weeks as the military said the ongoing counter-offensive meant that troops could not provide security on polling day.

But Jonathan and his government maintain that major gains will be made by the new election date, March 28, to allow voting to take place.

 

On Wednesday, the head of the Nigerian Army, Lieutenant General Kenneth Minimah told troops in Baga after its recapture at the weekend: "The war is almost ended."

NYSC member commits suicide over girlfriend

The body of a 26-year-old National Youth Service Corp, NYSC, member, identified as Ernest, was, Wednesday, recovered from his one room apartment after he reportedly took a poisonous substance.
Reports indicate that the young man, who was in love with a fellow NYSC member, Chioma Okewuru, went berserk when the girl came back from her village over the weekend with a ring from a man she had promised to marry during the Easter period.
Ernest, who is from Edo State and a graduate of the University of Benin, was posted to Cross River State in October, where he met and fell in love with Chioma, and both were serving in Redemption Secondary School, Ofombogha 1 in Obubra Local Government Area of Cross Rivers State.
Mr. Noah Ntuen, Acting Divisional Police Officer for Obubra said: “The girl had told the guy that she would not marry him, but that they could be friends. So when she came back from home last weekend and showed him the ring her husband to-be gave her, the young man became furious.
“On Wednesday, the situation became worse and at about 7pm, he locked himself in the room and took some poisonous substances.”
A source in the school said: “They met at the NYSC Orientation Camp at Abrekpe-Ebokpo and as luck would have it, they were both posted to the same school where they had a relationship going.
“He had the hope the whole thing would end in marriage, but Chioma already had another person she wants to marry.”
Ntuen said the body had been deposited in the mortuary of Obubra General Hospital, while Chioma is with the police, where investigations on the circumstances surrounding the tragic death are in progress.

Man bolts after wife delivers armless baby

BEGS GOVERNMENT TO ADOPT BABY

A middle-aged man, Mudashiru Sheriffdeen, has reportedly run away immediately he was told his wife, Taiwo, gave birth to a baby boy without arms.

Sherifdeen, who lived at  Bosun Street, Ifo, Ifo Local Government area of Ogun State, was said to have taken to his heels on Tuesday when he heard that their new baby boy had no arms.

It was gathered that the baby boy was born around 2pm at a private hospital, Majotal Medical Clinic, at Ilogbo area of Ado/Odo-Ota local government area of the state.

It weighed 3.25kg at birth.

The mother of the baby  said immediately she gave birth to the baby boy, her husband took to his heels on hearing that the baby was born without arms.

She said: “This is my first child and I do not know why I had to give birth to this kind of a baby. Immediately my husband was informed that his son had deformity, he had not come to see me.

“He is a commercial bus driver, and we had been married now for almost two years  before God decided to answer our prayer.

“When I was pregnant, we took every step that the doctor directed us to take, but we did not know why we came about this calamity.”

While pleading for assistance from well meaning Nigerians, Mrs Sheriffdeen said: “I have been warned by both my husband and our landlord not to bring the child home.

“The hospital management has asked us to leave the hospital, now I and this child have nowhere to go, I don’t need this baby. I want government to come and adopt him.”

It was further gathered that the man has vowed not to accept the baby and asked the government to claim ownership.

A source told our correspondent that,  Mudashiru has offered the government the baby .

Attempt to get government’s reaction to the incident was unsuccessful as the mobile line of the Commissioner for Women Affairs and Social Development, Mrs. Elisabeth Sonubi, was unreachable.

Shettima’s convoy kills 2, injures scores as people scramble for money

Governor Kashim Shettima of Borno State's convoy crushed two people, including a supporter of All Progressives Congress, APC, while several others sustained injuries as people struggled to get at bundles of N200 notes thrown at a crowd in Maiduguri.

Governor Shettima had been attacked by thugs while going round the streets in the last one week.

It was apparently to stave off the attack that prompted the governors’ handlers to throw bundles of cash to the people on the streets, a situation that caused many people to line up the streets waiting for him whenever he was scheduled to go round the city.

It was gathered that Shettima, who had successfully launched the free food distribution programme in Maiduguri ward, had followed an escape route to avoid some desperate thugs.

It was learnt that as the convoy approached the Damboa Central Bank Quarters Road in the metropolis, Shettima started spraying some denominatiosn, popularly now known as Yirne in Kanuri, which caused scrambling among residents, leading to the death of two people.

The leg of Civilian JTF member, who was assisting the security agencies in fight against the Boko Haram menace was crushed.

HAPPENING: Explosion in Kano

One of the busiest motor parks in Kano, Kano Line, located at Naibawa Area, along Zaria Road, has been rocked by an explosion. The number of casualties are presently unknown, thought it could be high since it used to be a busy area.

The explosion occurred at about 3:15pm. Security agents and aid workers are said to be evacuating the injured to hospitals.

Few hours before the Kano explosion, a suicide bomber killed over 20 people at a motor park in Potiskum, Yobe State.

Also, a female suicide bomber had struck the GSM market in the town, killing five persons and injuring several others on Monday.

UPDATES:

The car used for the bomb attack.

A loaded commercial bus affected by the bomb.

Yes, that Judi Dench

She has no plans to retire from her illustrious career after almost six decades in the business. But Dame Judi Dench has confessed that her daily life is becoming more of a struggle because she's losing her eyesight, rendering her unable to travel alone.

The 80-year-old actress loved returning to India to film comedy sequel The Second Best Exotic Marigold Hotel alongside her fellow British thespians including Maggie Smith, Celia Imrie, Penelope Wilton and Bill Nighy because they were able to guide her along the way.

She admitted during an interview: “These days I can’t really travel on my own because I need someone to say ‘Look out, there’s a step here!’ or else I fall all over the place like a mad, drunk lady.'
Judi previously revealed her vision was failing due to macular degeneration, which made it difficult to learn her lines.

The Bond star was determined not to let her condition stand in the way of reuniting with The Best Exotic Marigold Hotel's all-star cast for John Madden's long-awaited sequel.

She added: 'We're all great friends and we've done masses of things together.
'It was like an old travelling theatre company coming back together— old being the operative word!'
Judi first spoke of her battle to retain her vision three years ago, explaining she was determined to not let it affect her acting.

The screen legend revealed she could no longer see faces and had to ask pals to read her scripts out loud so she could memorise them.

'You get used to it', she said in a moving interview at the time. 'I’ve got lenses and glasses and things and very bright light helps.
'I can do a crossword if it’s bright sunshine but if a cloud comes out the next minute I can’t see anything.'

They made me laugh

He was under so much pressure at work that his bladder suffered.
When he finally got a chance to pee, the relief was so sweet that, thinking no one was nearby, he became vocal:
"Goddam it! Shit! This is  wonderful! Oh my Gad! Wow oooo..."
On and on he went until he emptied his bladder.
Two full days later, a colleague asked him, "Have you cured your gonorrhoea?

A pretty girl had reached her bus stop and began to tell the conductor, "I want to alert," in an affected accent.
Nobody, least of all the conductor, paid him attention. By her third "I want to alert," she touched the conductor, who told her "I no be bank."
"Abeg, driver stop. She wan come down," a volunteer said.

A dog and a bitch where at it with gusto, when an old woman was passing by. She stopped and began to hurl every available object at the two dogs. People gathered and someone asked the old woman why she was bent on interfering in the dogs' affair.
"I am angry," she said, "because they are reminding me of what I had forgotten about."

I made my lover abort her pregnancy so I won't father a thief, says robbery suspect

A member of a three-man armed robbery gang busted by the Police at Ketu area of Lagos has said he forced his lover to abort a three-month pregnancy because he did not want her to give birth to an armed robber like him.
Musliyu Ahmed, 23, who was arrested in Ketu, said: “I had to force her to go for an abortion because I do not want her to give birth to a child, who will have the blood of an armed robber. And because she understands the nature of my job, she had to obey.
“I want to get married and start having kids after I quit armed robbery.”
The other two members of the gang, Mutiu Rasheed, 22, and Sadiq Dada, 21 were arrested in Ijebu-Ode and Lagos, respectively.

What they said

Freedom is fragile if citizens are ignorant

—Lyndon B. Johnson

No Nation can be ignorant and free

—Thomas Jefferson

No man, when he comes to power remains sane... he loses the most precious of his possessions—his humanity.

—Thomas Paine

If you can't fly then run, if you can't run then walk, if you can't walk then crawl, but whatever you do you have to keep moving forward.

—Martin Luther King Jr