A shitty education

A laundryman's receptionist reports a customer's complaint.

They missed one thing

What kind of ritual would Jesus sanction?

Vanguard's Mr & Mrs

Only God know how much dey other places.

Shekau, Boko Haram leader makes Time magazine 100 most influencial persons list

Leader of the dreader Boko Haram sect, Abubakar Shekau, President-elect, Muhammadu Buhari, Leader of the #BringBackOurGirls campaign, Obiageli Ezekwesili, and award-winning novelist, Chimamanda Ngozi Adichie, have been named among the Time Magazine’s 100 world's most influential persons list.

Chimamanda Adichie was described as a Conjurer of character, in an essay by Deputy Managing editor of TIME, Radhika Jones.

“A MacArthur ‘genius’ grant recipient, Adichie writes of the complex aftermath of Nigeria’s colonial history and her nation’s rise to prominence in an era when immigration to the West no longer means a one-way ticket,” Jones noted of Adichie.

At 28, I haven’t slept with a girl yet

I’m 28 and I’ve never had a girlfriend. I haven’t even kissed a woman, and now I feel that I never will. Everybody I know seems to be talking about sex, love and relationships.
Television programmes, newspapers, magazines and songs on radio constantly remind me of these things. It makes me feel so inadequate and depressed. As a result, I don’t feel like going out any more only to watch other people have fun.
Recently, I’ve toyed with the idea of visiting prostitutes just so that I could know what it is like to be close to a woman. I wish I could meet a girl and fall in love but all hope seems to have been lost.

It’s true that most men need the comfort and intimacy of female companionship and it is this feelings of yours that you’re inadequate that is preventing you from reaching out for a woman’s love. There are tons of lonely women who want sex and a caring relationship just as much as you do. You need to accept that you are as loveable as the rest of us, and that your desire for sex is nothing to be ashamed of. This will make you feel able to respond to the interest of the women you meet.
You’re not alone as a lot of people have wondered if they would ever find romance, only to find it when they least expected. Instead of secretly aching for love, show some of the women you meet that you’re interested in them. Men who flirt and express their romantic needs have girlfriends. So go out there and find the love you deserve. Don’t let one or two rejections put you off, more women are bound to say yes.
(Bunmi Sofola)

Torture couple jailed 3 years for child abuse

Seun and Adepeju Odebunmi, father and step-mother, respectively,  of tortured siblings, Damilare and Michael, have been sentenced to three years in prison without an option of fine.
The family court in Ikorodu Magisterial District, Lagos, handed down the sentence for emotionally, psychologically and physically abusingtheir children and inflicting severe injuries on their bodies.
The presiding magistrate, Mrs. Femisola Azeez, who delivered judgement on the case, found the defendants guilty of gross child abuse and sentenced both accordingly.

Amuludun, a classmate and friend, back at LASU, dropped a single. Download, listen, share.

Ori, Amuludun's single

30 (wasted) Days in Atlanta

I am convinced that AY had things to do in Atlanta and then thought of shooting this film on the side. I do no think RMD and Desmond Elliot would leave Nigeria for Atlanta for cameo parts in a two-hour film. Even if this comedy was an essential part of AY’s American trip, it still comes across as a scrambled script, in which case it will be safe to assume it’s a low budget film.

However, you do not bring such cast and crew together in such settings with a low budget film. So how did AY end up with a shallow slapstick on a wallet-strangling budget?

It was AY, of all the thousands of Nigeria’s ambassadors to the world, that decided to project the boring and often exaggerated “Nigerians bad” image, using a huge platform. From political comments, bad telecommunication’s network, internet and credit card fraud, living a lie abroad, using relationship to seek visa, going abroad to give birth, to doing illegal work and the sensitive husband-wife relationship.

Every one of these issues is neither originally nor exclusively Nigerian. So “condescending” is another word for “wasted.” And then the man that so piously reels them out employs Akpors, who has no work permit (he should know). That is how a scrambled script reads.

He abandoned us for his second wife, says mother of abused brothers

Mrs. Mojisola Faniyi, biological mother of Damilare Odebunmi, and his brother, Michael, who were rescued by residents of Owutu, Ikorodu, has said her ex-husband and father of her two sons, Seun Odebunmi, lied when he said she abandoned her children when they were toddlers.
28-year-old Mojisola, said although they were not officially married, they dated for about a year before their introduction when she was pregnant with their first child, Dami.
She said: “After I had our second child Michael, he abandoned me and our children. He said he was going to Lagos to get a job, but disappeared and never came back.

Train kills boy who had earphones on

An unidentified young man, who had earphone on, was killed by a passenger train at Cappa area of Oshodi, Lagos, yesterday. He was reportedly standing on the rail tracks.
Reports said the Ogun-bound mass transit train was leaving its Oshodi station to Mushin, when the accident occurred.
The train had, as usual, sounded its horn repeatedly as it was approaching the railway crossing at Ilupeju by-pass for clearance of its track.
According to an eyewitness, the man who had his earphones on was apparently carried away with either the call he was receiving or music.
The eyewitness said: “Obviously, the man was not aware of the approaching train even as it blasted its horn, perhaps because of the earphone.
“Before he knew it, he was already hit by the train without a chance to escape. Immediately he was hit, the body was mangled as the train dragged it underneath.”
Earphones use had also led to the death, on rail tracks, of a lady in 2006 at Shogunle GRA railway crossing, while another one was killed in 2007 at Oshodi.

He wants me to talk dirty

My husband of six years is suddenly trying to show a side he never let me see even in our courting days.
He wants me to talk dirty to him whenever we’re making love. This kind of talk is so out of character for me, and it would make me upset and uncomfortable.
What should I do?

You might find talking dirty in the bedroom to be a shocking or abnormal behaviour but many couples see it as big turn-on. It doesn’t mean you’re a wayward person.
I would never tell you to do something that makes you feel uncomfortable. I don’t think it would cause any harm if you try it out. Why don’t you start by creating a character role to play? Pretend you’re trying to seduce and charm your husband, or simply describe to him how what he’s doing feels to you. You can just whisper all this into his ear.
You may not think talking dirty is your style, you won’t know for sure until you try. It could enhance your sex life once you get used to it.
However, if you try it and don’t feel comfortable, tell your husband you want to stop. He should understand, and you two can continue to experiment until you find something erotic that turns you both on equally.
He is after all your better half, and who best to let go with?
(Bunmi Sofola)

Should I watch porn with my wife?

Recently, my wife confessed she always had a desire to watch porn with me. I’m thrilled but a little confused.
I’ve often watched alone or with my close friends for a laugh. What sort of porn would be suitable for both of use to watch? And what do I do whilst she’s watching it?
Do I look at writhing figures on the screen or at her? Will she get upset if I get turned on looking at the girls on screen? Am I supposed to say she looks hotter than they do, even if she doesn’t? Should we then make love immediately after?

I laughed when I read your mail. Why don’t you calm down for a start?
Commend your girl for wanting to try something new and involve her in choosing what you watch. A good pointer is to go for a film made by a female director.
The men are better looking (standard boy porn tends to feature very average looking guys) and they have female friendly storylines.
As for what to do, have it playing in the background and if in doubt, concentrate on her rather than the girls in the film.
Watching her get aroused will probably be enough of a turn on. You don’t need to tell her she’s hotter than the girls on the screen (unless she asks, in which case, of course, she’s hotter.)
You’ll be surprised how naturally things will fall into shape.
(Bunmi Sofola)

It's devil's handiwork, says father of tortured brothers

The scars are from rough play—STEPMOTHER
My mummy beats them with plank—DAUGHTER
We didn’t know he had remarried—RELATIVE

                                                      Mr. and Mrs Odebunmi

Mr. Seun Odebunmi, father of Damilare and Michael, the two children rescued by residents of Owutu in Ikorodu, after suffering severe abuse in the hands of their father and step-mother, has attributed his actions to devil’s handiwork.
“We did not mean to cause the children any harm,” he said. “All we did was discipline them for stealing,” he added.
According to the 36-year-old father of four, “Damilare and Michael are the children I had from my first wife; their mother abandoned them when they were four years and two years old, respectively.
“I am a company driver before I had this accident that affected my legs. I have undergone two surgeries. While I was still driving, I leave home very early and come back late. Each time I return from work, I get complaints about the two of them.
“My wife and I went out; when we came back we found out that Damilare has taken my drugs. I was the one that beat him up. But I wanted to take him to the hospital before people in the community called the police, who came to his rescue.
“We have not registered both of them in school because we are still searching for a better school for them.”

No blood transfusion

A pregnant woman in the UK preferred to die rather than accept to take blood. Of course, the baby died. She had leukaemia.

… oh, she is Jehovah's Witness.

‘My step-mother beats me with wood that has nails’

                                                              Damilare                                                                            

Residents at Owutu in Ikorodu, Lagos State, have rescued two boys, Damilare Odebunmi, eight, and Michael Odebunmi, six, from torture in the hands of their father and step-mother, Seun Odebunmi, and Adepeju Odebunmi, respectively.

While her step-sons are constantly tortured, abused and deprived of food, Adepeju’s two biological children looked healthy and chubby.

Washerman

Only lazy man dey beg for Lasgidi!
This hard-working laundryman will do your clothes justice.

Fisherwoman, 3 children die in oil blowout fire

Mrs Ebosine Photo, 36, her children, Siyafa and Gift Photo, 16 and 6 years, respectively, and an unnamed toddler died on a fishing trip when she attempted to light a lamp as night came.

An oil blowout on the Riapele-Forcados Trunkline, belonging to Shell Petroleum Development Company, SPDC, had spilled petroleum product on the river.

PRESIDENTIAL ELECTION: The untold story of the peacemakers

THE picture of President Goodluck Jonathan relaxing with General Abdulsalami Abubakar, Commodore Ebitu Ukiwe, Alhaji Aliko Dangote, John Cardinal Onayiekan was one that gripped the attention of some inquisitive Nigerians as results of the presidential elections were churned out.
What could have brought these men with varied exposure to public limelight together continuously? That Dangote with his multiple business interests across the continent could be pinned down to Abuja was a wonder for some.
As the results of the 2015 presidential elections showed the incumbent president losing to his challenger, Muhammadu Buhari, the men alongside a few others worked the clock to mellow the tension that had gripped the polity.
Nigerians who watched the television picture of the statesmen parley with the president would have picked up the irony through the personae of General Abubakar. Even though, he spent only 11 months in office as Nigeria’s ruler, the former head of state has arguably become the most sought after former Nigerian leader for international peace shooting engagements.

DPO, one other dead over suspected kidnappers' den

FOLLOWING the attack on a Divisional Police Officer over rumours of discovery of a kidnappers’ den at Adekile area of Ibadan, which led to his death, the state Commissioner of Police, Mr. Mohammed Katsina, has said he would ensure that the hoodlums involved in the attack were arrested.
He said this yesterday while carrying out an on-the-spot assessment of the scene.
Some people had informed police that kidnap victims were kept in the house suspected to be a kidnappers’ den.
The police were said to have stormed the place only to discover nothing.
Their explanation failed to convince the people, who alleged that the issue was similar to the kidnappers’ den discovered last year at Soku.
Subsequently, they allegedly attacked the policeman, who later died of the wounds he sustained to his head.

25 die, others injured celebrating Buhari’s victory

No fewer than 25 persons died in Abuja, Kano, Makurdi and Kontagora, while celebrating the victory of President-elect, General Muhammadu Buhari (retd).
While 17 of the victims died in Kano, four died in Abuja, three in Kontagora, Niger State and one in Makurdi, the Benue State capital, while several others sustained injuries.
However, police authorities in Kano claimed only seven bodies of unknown person were discovered by their men after the celebration, Tuesday night.