I just want to be loved

I’m 30, single and lonely. Nobody understands how unhappy I am. I’ve had an affair with a man who is 20 years older than me. He is married and puts me off for months. I persisted in pursuing him and eventually we ended up in bed together.
He said it was just sex, but I’m emotionally involved. We’ve slept together about six times now. He keeps warning me we should put a stop to it, that he loves his family and does not want to hurt his wife. Yet, I’m obsessed with him.

I turn up at his club when I know he’ll be there and he is no longer nice to me.
I feel so hurt that he doesn’t want me. I mean, how can he have sex with me and not feel anything?
I’ve tried to move on, but I think the only way to get over this man is to meet someone else. But when I go out, I don’t get chatted up or asked on dates. I cry myself to sleep most nights. I just want someone to love me.

Because you think you badly need the attention of a man, you pursue someone who obviously went to bed with you so you could get off his back.
You knew he was married and he warned you he wasn’t the one for you. No wonder he told you going to bed with you was just about sex. The poor man obviously loves his wife and your constantly pursuing him causes him to feel threatened. In spite of the free sex, he will be more and more unpleasant. 
You need to end this humiliation now! Chasing a man who doesn’t want you is undermining your self-esteem. Rather than thinking you’re unable to survive without him, you will sense a great burden’s lifted off you when you distance yourself from him.
In spite of his protests, he has misused a very vulnerable woman and this is cruel. Have nothing more to do with him. One day— sooner or later— you’ll meet a suitable partner and fan in love.
When you go out, be yourself instead of looking for a prospective lover. Make friends with men and women with whom you have a common interest. Be confident you’re desirable and love will find you.
(Bunmi Sofola)